Sometimes hypochondria makes me feel alien to my own body. It’s a terrible feeling to hate my own body parts because inevitably, I’m stuck with them. Right now I just feel trapped inside of them. I was doing some reading on hypochondria yesterday because I wanted to find out more on the inner workings of my brain. Of course I believe that my own experiences are more informative to myself than some info in any one of the problematic psych manuals but something compelled me into doing research. I was surprised to find that body dysmorphia can be a key element in hypochondria, but then I realized that I have felt it so many times. I feel it today and it really, really sucks. Feeling some serious body-hate and that’s everything I hate to feel.
This is not me hating the size of my body, it’s nothing like feeling too big or whatever. It’s feeling like I have a disease within parts of my body and hating my body for that and wanting those parts gone, even if that disease is made up inside my head.