365 Days of Hypochondria

And other personal happenings.


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Cheerful, Contented, Jubilant (Day 219)

I am feeling so happy. Sometimes the word ‘happy’ loses meaning due to it’s overuse in everyday conversation but I can’t think of another word to adequately describe what I’m feeling today. I am just truly [content] and it feels lovely.

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Also, I drank the the best ginger spice latte today, so there’s that.

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Also- can we talk about how I love the person who googled this and happened upon this blog:

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you are a great person, whoever you are and I hope your cat is okay.

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Couple’s Therapy (Day 217)

I’m not in couple’s therapy (I’m not even in a relationship). But if you haven’t heard of “Couples Therapy” (the reality show) you should go watch it and laugh your brains out (actually, some of it’s quite sad).

Once a week my most of my roommates and some friends get together to watch the show. I haven’t been able to join-in the last couple of weeks because I have felt way too overloaded with work (and last week was our break) so we are reuniting tonight! I bought donuts!

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Besides buying donuts and writing a midterm, I went to the bank and happened into Urban Outfitters afterwards because I needed to buy a birthday present for a friend. Who ever thought to position Urban Outfitters across the street from the bank is a marketing genius. The good thing is that everything I bought was on sale. As well, most of what I got is a gift for a friend.

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One package of the ear phones, the hair kit, and the boxers, I bought for myself. It was all $4.99 each, except for the hair stuff (that was 99 cents!). I opened the hair kit and was delighted by the fact that it comes with a mini bottle of dry shampoo. I took one look at the ingredients on the back of the container and the second one listed is propane. I’m not sure if that’s an actual ingredient or part of the packaging but I’m definitely not using that. I’ll stick to my natural dry shampoo. I’m still glad I bought it though, because it came with cute hair ties and a teasing comb!

As for the boxers and the headphones, I had to buy them. I was in dire need of headphones so they were somewhat of a ‘necessity’ but they also have cats on them which was an added bonus.

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Took me 5 years to get my camera to ‘focus’. Sorry for the blur.

Have a great evening (or morning) everyone!


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More Bathroom Graffiti (Day 216)

I woke up, pressed play on my iTunes (subsequently discovered that Human by Daughter is the BEST wake-up song), and made some oatmeal and tea. I poured my tea into a travel mug with the intent on taking it to class but I forgot it! But even after waiting half an hour for coffee on campus, I still made it to class with time to spare.

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Oatmeal and fresh blueberries.

During break, I happened upon a plethora of bathroom graffiti. I thought I would share, as graffiti always holds a special kind of wisdom. Perhaps it’s as authentic as one can get in a semi-public space.

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I feel like I know who wrote this.

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In an hour or so I will be off to work! I am becoming the queen of the night shift. Tomorrow I have an early morning midterm to write so I’m going to work and study at the same time. I’m becoming quite the multi-tasker and I feel like I am much more capable of dealing with stress this semester.

I hope everyone’s Tuesday went well!


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Grocery Shopping & Sugar Highs (Day 215)

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After my writing workshop I bought some fruits and veg from the campus grocery store. I also picked up some things that will be quick and easy to make: some rice and instant noodles. And can you believe it- I found a ‘healthy’ instant ramen! Rejoice!

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During the cold months, I like to bus straight home from campus after class. I like to hibernate in the winter. I come home from school, take off my jeans, put on comfy clothes and then crawl under my duvet and do school work in bed. (At least, that’s what I usually do on the days that I’m not working at my job.) My desk is covered with beauty products and makeup and I constantly need to have a blanket around me in the winter, so what else is there for me to do? Maybe I’m weird, I don’t know.

In the summer, blankets are my nemesis and I find so much joy in walking to coffee shops and sitting on patios, or just walking downtown to window shop. I will go to the market for organic produce and I’ll peruse book sales and art galleries. I’m not cut out for cold seasons. Today, I meant to go to Starbucks to get some work done but I knew I would prefer to stay in, so I trekked out in the shower of snow and got myself a chai tea latte and a chocolate chip cookie to-go.

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The chocolate chip cookie is another story. I have discovered that in the winter (or maybe just during school) I have the sweet tooth of a small child. Maybe my body craves sugar for the high, or maybe I simply have no will power; either way, I am definitely addicted to sugar (despite it’s unhealthy side effects). I was doing so well today- I had oatmeal for breakfast, a giant salad for lunch, and some noodles for dinner. Then I got started on my work and all of a sudden I had cravings for chocolate and chips. It might be stress or boredom that spurs on my sugar in-take. Either way, I couldn’t concentrate without that cookie! Yikes.


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I’m Not Scared: An Open Letter (Day 214)

I am tired of people telling me that I am afraid of everything, because frankly that is not the case. Seriously, listen to me – that is not the case. And I don’t have time for the people in my life who don’t try to understand the complexities of mental health and phobia.

With that being said, I am writing this post because I think it’s important for me to speak out against those who get the shallow impression that I am ‘scared of everything’. Because I most definitely am not. I’m one of the strongest people I know and I would take a bullet for any of my friends and family.

Anyone can shoot me down (in the most cliche way possible), but everyone knows that only the weakest find superiority in curtailing other people’s achievements. Strength and courage are not shallow concepts and they should not be measured as if they aren’t deeper than that.

It takes an incredible amount of strength to live with any form of anxiety or mental illness, let alone make that aspect of your life public. Calling anyone ‘fearful’ is inherently insulting, no matter the intention. People with anxiety are already hyperaware of the judgement that is prevalent in society. When I hear people use words such as ‘fearful’ or ‘scared’ to describe my personality (and experience with hypochondria), I am re-affirmed of the fact that I am surrounded by stigma.

An open letter to those who have ever undermined my strength:

I am not the sum of my worst ‘fears’. I am not my mental illness. People say this all the time, and the reason you might repetitively hear it is because people don’t seem to get it. Some of my own family members think fear is a primary part of my character, when they’ve known me all my life. If you still don’t get it, I’ll repeat it for you; my phobias are not me.

If you don’t know who I am by now, then frankly, I feel sorry for you.

You are frustrating, you are inhibiting, and you are replicating the very forces in society that I have spent my time rejecting and trying to push back against. And you clearly do not understand the amount of courage and strength that it takes to attempt any act of resistance. (And fuck, it even takes strength to not resist.)

I am just one of millions of people who are so incredibly strong because they live in a society that tells them they aren’t. Yes, I have a phobia of chemicals, of driving, and I get anxiety and constantly think I have cancer, and if you think living with that mentality makes me weak, you don’t know what it takes to endure. I am strong. And if you think I’m not: kindly eject yourself from my life or change your stigmatic attitude.


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Back in the City (Day 213)

Cuddling up in my home away from home. Although it feels like my actual home now, I still get a small feeling of ‘coldness’ whenever I come back to the city. Since I grew up in the country, basically any town with a larger population feels like a stranger to me, no matter how much I warm up to it. I feel this way the most when I visit Toronto (even though I grew up spending a lot of time there). I always ponder this insecure feeling I get when I arrive back from a trip to my hometown. It only lasts for a split second, but it must always be there inside of me. I like forests and quiet streets and I like the fact that in the country, I can go for a walk and see no one. I like not being seen. But in the city, eyes are everywhere. It kind of adds to my anxiety.

Ponder-sesh over!

I’m glad to be home. :)