As someone with anxiety who occasionally uses delusional behaviour to cope with situations, I am no stranger to repetition. For example, I often repeat cycles of hypochondria. One week my mind will be preoccupied with cancer and the next week this feeling will mysteriously vanish. But just when I thought I got over it, the thoughts reappear in my mind. These patterns of repetition also extend into my everyday life. I’ll forgive people over and over again and I’ll repeat situations that I know in the end will give me pain.
I have recently come to the conclusion that in order to recover from my hypochondria, I need to break these cycles of repetition. I receive comfort from echoes, and encores, and rhythms but I need to venture outside of my comfort zone to improve my mental health. And I desperately need to break out of my usual destructive cycles.
That’s my main thought for today. I need some kind of change (whether I like it or not).