365 Days of Hypochondria

And other personal happenings.

Nostalgia (Day 60)

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Today feels like a day in September from the past. My surroundings feel nostalgic. My current setting (the city I live in, the room I sleep in) is recent, not anything I would be extremely attached to. But right now, I feel the way I used to feel when taking long autumn walks  in my old home-town. I feel like grey-skies, crisp air, and pseudo loneliness.

I wonder if, in a few years, I will move on from the city where I currently reside and feel nostalgia for my university days. They are days of meaning, not happiness, but they have changed my identity drastically; my school, this town, the people, are significant.

I never want to be that person who revels in the past. I don’t want to look back on my life ten years from now and feel pain in my heart (this is what nostalgia feels like to me). I am so aware of every possible emotion I could feel- now, or in the future- that I try so hard to live each moment consciously. I tell myself “what your doing now, this is it, experience it now, so one day, you will be able to remember it”. Maybe I am the cause of my own nostalgia. I am so aware of the moments that I know will cause me pain in the future. I experience them willingly though, because I don’t believe in the conventional emotions that allow people a so-called stable life. At this point in my life, I really don’t care about popular emotions (like love or hate)-nostalgia on the other hand (both present and past), inspires me.

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