365 Days of Hypochondria

And other personal happenings.

My Heart (Day 41)

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I’ve written posts about my concern over the wellness of my brain but I am equally anxious when it comes to my heart. This may sound morbid, but I feel like I will one day pass away from either brain complications or heart issues. Lately, I have been less focused on my brain (I consider this a good thing considering I thought I had brain cancer for two years). Instead, my thoughts have revolved around the health of my heart. The average person would probably be worried about heartbreak or love, but to me, these are surface conditions. I am worried about my heart stopping, abnormally beating, and inevitably breaking; the kind of break that can’t be fixed with wallowing and ice cream. Ever since I had strep throat last week, I have noticed that my heart has been beating unusually fast. I check my pulse every so often to count the rhythm, and it mirrors how my pulse should react after physical activity or something strenuous. It’s hard for me to get to sleep sometimes because I can’t calm my heart down enough to relax. It could just be my anxiety (although I swear it’s gotten better), but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s something more serious. Hearts are just so fragile- both emotionally and physically. I am constantly wary of protecting my own.

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