When I’m sad I like to blame it on other people. Do lots of people do this? The last person who we want to admit causes our own melancholy, is ourselves. In school last year we studied Freud. My program at school is extremely critical of Freud, but still analyses his work, for it is interesting. One such thing we studied for a split second was the ‘death drive’. What I learned, was that Freud was confused about the fact that some humans won’t leave an unenjoyable situation; a situation that repeatedly causes them pain (contrary to the pleasure principle).
One of the reasons why I found the topic interesting though was because my prof related the death drive to those that seem to be in love with heartbreak. Or those who put themselves in situations that repeatedly cause them heartbreak. I would definitely say that I tend to do this. As someone who writes, heartbreak is perhaps my greatest muse. But it’s also, well, heartbreaking.
Today I stayed in bed most of the day. I was inclined to blame my blue mood on a recent turn of gloomy (heartbreaking) events, but the things that happen to me (all the positives, and all the negatives) are really my own fault. The repetitive nature of my extreme lows- after my extreme highs- is disconcerting. Maybe I need to learn to live (and write) without that self-induced heartache. Or maybe the ‘death drive’ is simply a natural human response, intended to liven up an otherwise commonplace existence.
*One should note that there are problematic aspects to a lot of the discussion around the death drive, such discussions have historically intended to marginalize certain groups of people; I don’t support this marginalization. Oh, Freud.